Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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