You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize