please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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