That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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