Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
