Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
