Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
