just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
