I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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