there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am available for nakedness
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
