So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm too high and old for this...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
