if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk is not a location!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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