Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
