Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
