My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
