And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
