today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
where are my eyebrows?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
