Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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