if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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