I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
