24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize