I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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