just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This show inspires me to have sex in space
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You did what with his pubic hair?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
