I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
