Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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