no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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