ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
