i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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