I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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