I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
