After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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