he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
