Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
