my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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