i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize