can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
