I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
