I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
