was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
