yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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