I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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