Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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