So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
