my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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