The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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