I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
