Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
