Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
