There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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