Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
