I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
