your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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