Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
