did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
