I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
