I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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