the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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