she woke up with a sticky ear
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
