Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
