Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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