I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
