I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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