How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
