Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
