ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
