he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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