12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
