two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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