also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
