Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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