I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize