I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
