On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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