I think I won the penis lottery.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
