Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize