We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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