From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
