I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
