Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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