i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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