Will you blow on my dice?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
