...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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