making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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