we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
