Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
