i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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