Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
