life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
